toxicity...

shadow journal 9/21/2021


toxicity is an imaginary wall built of all the i knew betters you continue to blame on them.  it's the result of all these unhealed soul ties, that untreated depression from cryin yourself to sleep tryna figure out why they did you like that & why you weren't good enough.  did you ever stop to think that the mfr wasn't good enough for you?  it's the panic & worry that led to anxiety that you refuse to acknowledge that's made you this way.  you're bitter inside baby.  and this shit, this is a front to deter from the fact that you are indeed damaged.  broken from the lies & promises they made that you knew they never planned to fulfill.  it was never love & it wasn't them who let you down.  it was you who went against everything you knew was right to make things work where they were never meant to.  you wasted your own time, because you knew better & continued exchanging energy with people who never deserved to experience you in the first place.  you knew you didn't belong there, but you were determined to fit because it felt good.  or did it just look good?  was it ever as good as you made yourself believe? but that's between you & this journal beloved, but you can't really think the solution is making everybody else the problem.  you're not toxic baby, you're covered with unhealed bruises & filled with misdirected anger.  figure that shit out first cuz that shit is just a defense mechanism, and who tf are you defending yourself from tho?

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