balance yo sh*t out.

 you want better? do better.  be better. speak better.  live better.   the universe don't owe you shit but what you put out & if we being real... well...  this journey you're on is personal. it's specific to you. it's easy to get caught up in what other people got going on. but do you know what that person went through to get there? it looks like a blessing to you, but how you know it's not a curse to them? you won't get to your destination walking in somebody else's shoes.  as a matter of fact you really doing a lot of work for nothing, because they're shoes only move their life. why would you wanna walk in somebody old worn out shoes any way?  that whole thought process is something that will never make sense.   you have your own brand new shoes that'll take you wherever you want to go, but you'd rather walk in someone else's foot steps. it's detrimental to your next chapter that you stay focused on your shit only.  sit back ...

stop being so fuckin ungrateful.  at some point you're gonna have to acknowledge that your life ain't bad as it could (or should, for that matter) be.   at some point you gotta be thankful just for having breath & ability, cuz a lotta mfrs don't have those luxuries. some of the shit you mad about not getting could've been the very shit that ended your existence, yet instead of being grateful you dodged a bullet, you sitting there mad cuz you didn't get it. you'll never know what that no protected you from. you mad at yo funky ass job, but what about the fact you got one. you don't like the roof over your head, but what if that mfr was made out of clouds? you mad cuz it didn't work out with that kid other parent, but what you don't know is they over there giving somebody else high blood pressure & gray hair. stop worrying about what could've been and start being thankful for what is or get the balls & gumption to change the shit. whate...

business teaches you so much about people...  "friends" will have 5k+ followers, spend days on social sharing dumb shit to you but will never share yours.   "friends" will follow a million celebrities they will never meet, but won't follow you.   "friends" will sit in your face with a $1000 designer t-shirt on trying to convince you that $40 is too much for your brand...   "friends" will gladly go pay somebody to fucc them up, then expect you to fix it for free.   & then there's family, who will do all this & still expect you to treat them like they was in the gym with you... crazy shit. when they say strangers are more supportive than "friends & family" they ain't never lied.   "friends" be fake af.   "friends" be having ulterior motives.   it's ok tho.. everything happens in it's own time, with or without the help of the people around you... hell they usually do the least & expec...

the way a person feels about you literally has nothing to do with you.   at all.  see you gotta learn to be comfortable accepting people's opinions, even if it's a negative & about you.  are you that person?  if not, then why tf do you care what they think?  does their opinion pay your bills?  hell nah, i tried to deposit a few opinions & to no surprise that shit never appeared on a bank statement... granted, i'm making it sound like it’s the simplest shit in the world to do & it's not.  a large part of who most people are is based on who people want them to be...  on this journey, you have to be comfortable with not being accepted.  after all, you were not made to fit into someone else's story, you're supposed to be writing your own, but how can you possibly do that without being who you are?  the first step to getting past mfrs opinions is to first figure out who you are, then accept that, whole-heartedly.  it doesn't ...

 i am possibly one of the most stubborn, bullheaded, determined to do the shit my way people in the history of those types of people.  saharara strayed away & i literally lost my entire shit... whole brain just up & left one day, no note, no instructions, no emergency contact.. .just checked tf out.  my depression kicked up so bad i was double dosing my meds just to feel semi normal... my anxiety had me not moving unless i had an arsenal with me... yeah hypervigilant af to say the least...  ok so when lil baby decided to get right, the shit had my whole body throbbin.  i mean bad nerves, headaches, dizzy.. shit i woke up a couple times & didn't know where i was right off.  (i was at home in my own damn bed. if that don't scream balance some shit idk wtf does.)  anyway as the energy realigned the ringing in my ears & feeling like my carpet had me on death row (everything i touched was shocking me..) & immediately i felt my spiritual ...

ajna was a tricky lil sumbitch... i lost a lot of friends (& i use that term so fuccin loosley) cuz when your third eye is open you see the shit that isn't there & you trust that feeling that comes over you when some shit aint right... if you find yourself with migraines & eye strains it's a chance that your third eye (betwixt yo 2 eyes or that space that's where they should be) chakra ain't where it need to be.  i thought i'd contracted the fuccin infinity headache or something, there was pressure between my eyebrows and i couldn't make sense of why..  nevermind the fact i had ignored my intuition & the gifts (that i swore were curses) bestowed upon me (because i swore they were curses.)  i knew whatever was going on was going to require a lobotomy or something to that affect, i just needed my thoughts to stop running the 30 million mile marathon it apparently signed up for, with none of my own consent.  during this transition, which in all hone...

during the realignment of my throat chakra i'm pretty sure i forgot how to shut tf up... i mean shit was just flying out of my mouth before i even completed the thought in front of it.... i noticed myself stumbling over words, losing my voice easily & really unable to speak loudly.  it was like something inside of my was muffling my breath & suffocating my voice, my loud mouth ass didn't like that shit at all.  something i noticed while being forced to be quiet tho, was how much i heard when i actually listened.  i lost a lot of people i thought would be a around when my vissudha got right... that lil inner voice of mine started having a lot of shit to say, truthful shit in a not so comforting way all the time.  i felt like my intuition & inner wisdom leveled up because i got to a point where i could literally here the lie come out of people's mouth.  when my throat finally realigned, i had about 30 notebooks full of notes, answered questions & j...

 i literally lived by the phrase fucc everything & everybody... a mfr broke my heart & i was on a mission to break everything that looked like it had love attached to it.  see when your heart chakra is out of alignment, your body has a way of tellin you to anahold-tf-up..  anahata imbalance causes chest pain, heart disease, palpitations & shortness of breath... the shit that got me personally tho, was the respiratory issues... i hadn't had issues with my asthma in years, but baby lemme tell you... i went to the doctor for my lil lady check & left with a breathing machine & 37.6 inhalers.... i tried to blame it on everything from smoking to the outside air... in all actuality, my heart chakra was just tilted slightly to the wrong side of right... when this mfr said hold on, it literally slammed on the brakes leaving me with a temporary case of emotional whiplash.  i went through every damn emotion imaginable in a matter of minutes sometimes... i le...

 probably the most complicated and painful transition of my life.... this was a detrimental fuccin shift guys & gals...  remember i talked about being oversexed... well when manipura took the stage, it took the fuccin cake... the thought of sex irritated my entire being... i was drinking to try to balance out the emotions, yeah that was smart... (don't do that shit beloved, the bottle ain't the answer.)  my hormones were still doin their own thing, heartburn showed its ugly face then i got bloated & constipation chimed in...    there were 7 people residing in this pretty little head of mine & they all wanted the spotlight... concentration was non existent... why tf was i tired & restless at the same time?  no really, how the fucc are you sleep & very much tf awake simultaneously? thank the universe in its entirety that all that realignment shit was temporary... cuz the warm & tingly shit (energy fluctuating between chakras) was a mos...

 so yeah, this one was a definite doozy... hurt my lil old feelings to learn that a lot of the shit i thought was satisfying me was a result of chakra #2 going off on it's on wild & highly unsanctioned tangent...  the sacral chakra, svadhisthana, (honestly still cannot pronounce this one, so i call it stan..)   moving on, svadhisthana runs your private parts & all that other shit in the lower abdomen round the pubic bone parts... this chakra is usually the reason a lot of mfrs have sex issues (dysfunctions & addictions & shit like that.)   it's also responsible for substance abuse... let's just say solar plexus was way up in all kinda clouds & not just the strange ones... this shit had my hormones going bananas & i was ready to trade my bladder in for peanuts.  shit got real.   the imbalance was so severe i ended up having to remove a few things to relieve a few things & while the surgery (hysterectomy) provided some physi...

when the muladhara moves, it causes mass confusion honey... your root chakra controls foundations & determines how grounded you are.  it governs shit in the lower hemisphere of the energy centers, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that your bottom bodily functions go batshit when it's out of whack.  *insert shoulder shrug* shocked shitless… yep, that’s about all i can call what happened when my root chakra decided it was time to realign...  the list of side effects includes everything from eating disorders to digestive issues, back pain, fatigue & most other shit that bothers the lower organs & extremities.  personally clumsiness, anxiety & difficulty concentrating (like had me thinking something wasn’t diagnosed type difficulty.) granted i battle with service-connected post-traumatic stress disorder, but this was new level of shit entirely.  my body went wonky, to a point where they had to throw my uterus in the trash cuz even it had t...

so, you're here... further proof that some people go through more sh*t than others... miraculously survive it & manage to continue living a somewhat normal life.   at the beginning of 2022, what started out a childhood passion, journaling to release some sh*t, is now what i hope can help a buncha other mfrs.  mfrs just like me who are spiritual & logically understand that shit just ain't shit sometimes & also understand fuck is a verb, noun & mfn adjective... if that's you, then you're in the right place.  so welcome to the wonderful world of chakras, crystals, balancing energies, shadow work & sh*t like that... as told by me, a girl, that's just a little less fucked up today than she was yesterday... possibly.  depending on who you ask.  either way, buckle up buttercup & let me tell you about the time life was really lifing & set me off on the most emotionally unstable, unrealistically fucked up adventure that got us here... hop...